Questions and Answers Dr. Chuck & Dr. Jo-Ann Bird
by Dr. Chuck & Dr. Jo-Ann Bird
Q: MY HUSBAND WANTS ME TO WATCH PORN WITH HIM. I’M OK DOING THAT BUT I DON’T LIKE THE MOVIES THAT HE LIKES TO WATCH. WHAT CAN WE DO?
A: Research, research, and research! Some women do not like the same type of pornographic movies that men do. Today thankfully, there are so many different types of pornographic and erotic movies that you and your husband can explore. There are female-friendly pornographic movies that will hold your attention (with great plots!) as well as keep him interested.
So, our suggestion would be to research and explore different websites together to find the right type of movie for the both of you. Here is a list to help you get started:
A: We can definitely understand the anger and hurt you must be feeling as a result of your husband’s affair.An affair, emotionally or physically, is called an attachment injury, meaning it’s an injury to your emotional bond.So, it makes sense that you would not feel like being sexually intimate with your husband right now.However, we would recommend you work through that hurt and work toward repairing your bond together rather than continuing to withhold sex from your husband.Dealing directly with the issue(s) is a much better approach.
If you have trouble with this, please feel free to contact us or a relationship therapist. We hope this helps!
A: Watch this short video for the answer!
Q: WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE A WOMAN WHO CAN’T “TURN OFF” HER THOUGHTS WHICH ARE PREVENTING HER FROM ENJOYING SEX?
A: We get this question quite often. Instead of trying to “turn off” her thoughts, we suggest she redirect and focus her thoughts on what she’s experiencing in the moment. To help her with this, she could begin to focus on the pleasurable physical sensations she is experiencing throughout her body. For example, she could focus on what she experiences when her partner touches her skin. And when her thoughts begin to drift away to other things, she would simply redirect her thoughts back to the sensations she is experiencing.
Focusing your mind on the present moment does take some practice outside of the bedroom. So, for instance, she could practice focusing on her breathing and what she experiences when she inhales and exhales. She could also try practicing being mindful in other activities in her life, such as when eating. Slowing down and really focusing on the smells, tastes, temperature and textures of the food she is eating…to truly enjoy the experience. Hope this helps!
Q: I CAN HAVE AN ORGASM EASILY WHEN I MASTURBATE OR WHEN MY HUSBAND PERFORMS ORAL SEX ON ME BUT CAN’T DURING INTERCOURSE ALONE. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?
A: There is nothing wrong with you! In fact, you’re not alone. Approximately 70% of women need some kind of clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, even during penetrative intercourse! So, if you’re a clitoral girl in a clitoral world (sorry, had to go there!), try using a toy or his or your hand to give you clitoral pleasure during intercourse. With this added stimulation, you may be able to reach orgasm during intercourse. Some women love both sensations.